


Don't Drag My Love Around

by Maredwill



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: A little pining, Anxiety, Arendelle also makes an appearance, But Rikus pov makes an appearance because I'm incapable of writing in one pov, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Featuring a gossipy Twilight Town crew, Getting Together, Happy Ending, I haven't seen Big Hero 6 so if the characters are off...sorry!, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sappy, Sora returns from Quadratum with ptsd and struggles to cope, Sora-centric (Kingdom Hearts), breaking rules, but Riku is there for him, despite some of the tags it's a pretty light-hearted fic, referenced Isa/Lea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28925271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maredwill/pseuds/Maredwill
Summary: Sora leaned closer and strained to hear, head spinning. Riku? What was wrong with how he treated Riku? Why was Lea even talking about them?"What do you mean?" Roxas's soft voice asked."The way he treats Riku like a...a..." it was quiet, but Sora could picture him waving his hands around in search of words. "Like a pseudo boyfriend. It feels wrong when you consider the way Riku feels about him."Sora came back from Quadratum pretty messed up. He was always on edge, every unexpected touch making him jump, and he couldn't even spar without having a panic attack. Basically defenseless in this state, he wasn't allowed to participate in any missions, instead told to focus on getting better. It was isolating and made him feel worthless to his friends.Riku sneaks him out on what is supposed to be one short trip, just something for Sora to break up the monotony. Once out, however, he finds he doesn't really want to go back to the everyday reminder of how useless he is, and he convinces Riku they should go on an adventure instead.It would all be perfect. Except he can't outrun anxiety, or a certain conversation he overheard.++++++++Title from Volcano by Damien Rice
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 191





	Don't Drag My Love Around

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write about both Sora learning Riku is in love with him before he figured out how own feelings, and Sora having PTSD, so I combined the two. I had intended for this to be longer and angstier, but when I was writing it felt like a natural place to end. Enjoy!

Sora slid into Riku's room without knocking and shut the door behind him. He turned and found Riku staring at him from his desk, one eyebrow raised. 

"Can I help you?"

"I need to talk to you," Sora whispered as he hopped onto the desk, Riku frantically trying to move the papers he was studying out of the way.

"Why are you whispering? Who's gonna hear you in here?"

He shrugged. "I'm trying to be careful. I have a plan."

"Uh oh." Riku smirked when Sora glared and hit him.

"I'm serious!"

"Okay! Okay!" Riku held his hands up in surrender. "What's going on?"

"Don't go on the mission with Aqua tomorrow. Take me instead!"

"No."

Sora sputtered and flailed on the desk. That was not the answer he was expecting. "Why not?"

"You know you're not allowed."

He groaned and rolled his eyes, knocking his head back against the wall behind him. That was the whole reason he came up with this plan in the first place. He was so tired of not being able to do anything, not even the simplest of missions. Sure, he had a tendency to freeze up if you put him in front of a heartless, and he kept losing to _everyone_ during sparring even though he was supposedly at full strength, and there was the time he had a panic attack fighting Lea of all people, but still, he could handle an equipment run. 

"I should be allowed! You're literally going to Olympus to pick up new gear and coming back. Anyone could handle that by themselves. You and Aqua only offerred to go for fun." Which was one of the new things that had developed while Sora was gone. Riku had become close with Aqua and Terra and they often went on missions and trained together. They even had inside jokes now. It was weird. 

Riku was frowning up at him. "Maybe you think you should be allowed but you aren't, so I don't know why you're asking."

"Because I need this, Riku!" Sora put his hands on his friend's shoulder and leaned down. "Please, I'm so bored. They're never going to let me go anywhere if they don't think I can handle it and what better way to prove I can handle it than actually doing it?" Sora stared at Riku, trying to get across how desperate he was to do something with himself. 

Riku sighed and looked down at the desk. He was clearly thinking about it. "Sora even if I wanted you to come there's no way they are going to let you."

Sora grinned. Good, he was getting through.

"That's why we're not going to ask."

The frown was back. "What?"

"You and Aqua weren't going to be leaving until tomorrow. It's already late, people are getting ready for bed and whatever. No one is scheduled to return or leave tonight so I was thinking we just...take the gummi ship and go."

"Are you crazy? Do you know how much trouble we'll be in?"

Sora threw his hands up in the air. He didn't really care. These days he always felt like he was in trouble, always being told off for something. "You have to focus, Sora." "You can't fight but you should still be studying." But then there was also "don't push yourself so hard" and "you should try getting more sleep" as if he hadn't had enough sleep to last him a lifetime.

"So? What are they going to do, fire you? Can they even fire a keyblade master?"

"I actually don't know," Riku said, head tilted as he thought about it. He shook himself and glared at Sora. "That doesn't matter. I can be benched, and I'll have betrayed their trust."

Sora shook Riku's shoulders and whined. "What about your trust in _me_? Come on Riku _please_ I need this. We will fly to Olympus and come right back. You'll be there to keep me safe, nothing will go wrong. Besides, when is the last time you and I got to go somewhere just for fun? We can just hang out with Herc and I'll treat you to lunch. We can get those date and honey breads you like!" He was not above bribing Riku with Olympus cuisine.

Riku sighed and tilted his head back against the chair. "Why do I feel like this is a bad idea?"

Sora's chest soared with excitement. That was as good as a yes. "It's a great idea." He tightened his hold on Riku's shoulders and leaned over so he could keep eye contact with Riku, making sure to turn on his best puppy dog eyes and pout. " _Please_ Riku. Please please please please please pleas-"

"Okay!" Riku gave in with a laugh, pushing Sora away from him. "Fine, I'll go. If I get fired it's on you."

"Thank you!" Sora threw his arms around his friend and squeezed as tight as he could. He pulled away and poked him in the chest. "They're not going to fire you, you're one of the best. But even if they do, I'm not a keyblade master either so you and I can run off and be adventurers together.

"How reassuring," Riku said with an eyeroll, but his smile gave him away. "Go get ready then. Meet me at the ship in half an hour."

Sora couldn't contain his fist bump. "Yes!" He hopped off the desk and gave Riku a quick salute. "Aye aye captain!"

He tried to hide the skip in his step as he went back to his room.

++++++++

Sora walked down the hallway with his hands in his pockets, trying to look casual. As casual as he could look in his fighting clothes anyway. Thankfully, when he first got back from Quadratum he went through a phase where he refused to wear anything but his battle clothes, feeling too exposed without them. Magic kept them clean, so the only time he took them off was to shower. If someone ran into him now he would just say he was going for a walk and let them think he was regressing.

He froze when he heard voices and saw a light spilling out from Xion's room. 

"Come on Lea, don't be like that. Sora isn't like that."

He kept closer when he heard his name, wondering why they were talking about him.

"Dont get me wrong," Lea's voice answered, "I love Sora, everyone does, he's great. But the way he treats Riku isn't cool."

Sora leaned closer and strained to hear, head spinning. Riku? What was wrong with how he treated Riku? Why was Lea even talking about them?

"What do you mean?" Roxas's soft voice asked.

"The way he treats Riku like a...a..." it was quiet, but Sora could picture him waving his hands around in search of words. "Like a pseudo boyfriend. It feels wrong when you consider the way Riku feels about him."

Sora's heart was beating so hard he was struggling to listen. He didn't understand what they were talking about. How did he treat Riku like a pseudo boyfriend? And what did they mean by the way Riku feels about him?

"I didn't know you were so fond of Riku," he heard Roxas say in a teasing voice.

Lea made a derisive sound. "Let's not get crazy," he drawled. It was quiet for awhile and Sora desperately waited for them to continue. 

"Remember I worked with him and Mickey when we were working against the organization. He was so...intense about Sora. It was kind of sad. And the way Sora acts, it feels like he's just taking advantage of Riku's feelings."

"I get what you're saying," Xion spoke up again. "But that isn't what he's doing. He doesn't know how Riku feels about him."

Sora chewed on his lip, trying to keep his breathing under control. He felt itchy, like he needed to crawl out of his skin. A part of him wanted to bust in there and ask them what the hell they were saying, and another part wanted to run away.

"Bull," Lea said. No one responded. "You've got to be kidding me, how can he not know? I thought everyone knew and we just don't talk about it! Are you pulling my leg?" 

Xion giggled. "I'm serious. It might be obvious to us but it really seems like Sora has no idea. He's not taking advantage of Riku's feelings, he's just completely oblivious to Riku being in love with him."

Sora's mind froze, stuck on that last sentence. Riku was in love with him? He shook his head. That couldn't be possible, they just didn't know what they were talking about. How could Sora not know something like that? He realized if he stayed there any longer he'd either be caught or late, so he made his way past the door as quickly and quietly as he could.

++++++++

Riku was waiting in the driver's seat of the gummi ship, not at all surprised that Sora was late to his own getaway plan. He sighed again and wondered if this was a good idea. He felt bad for his friend. His return from Quadratum had been hard on him, everything he's been through the past few years finally becoming too much. It was immediately clear something was wrong once they got back. Sora spent two weeks drawing his keyblade on anyone who startled him, causing them all to be extra loud when moving around the tower. He also spent a month living in his fighting clothes, insisting he wanted to be ready when he could finally get back into the action. Sora said it with a smile, but Riku could see how scared he was. 

Then there was the fact that Sora couldn't fight. He had been checked over when he returned and everything was fine. They were both exhausted from their escape but Sora hadn't lost his strength again. Physically, he was as good as ever. And yet, it was quickly clear he couldn't handle a fight. When he got back, Kairi had challenged him to a sparring match to show off her new skills and in thirty seconds Sora was curled up on the floor shaking while Kairi desperately tried to get him to calm down. Sora had tried to brush it off as a one off incident until he, Riku and Ventus were attacked by heartless on a small mission and Sora was on the ground, keyblade held up to block but not attacking, trembling from head to toe. Riku and Ventus made easy work of the small group, but trying to get Sora back to reality was much harder. That was when Sora was banned from missions until further notice. 

Riku knew how heartbroken Sora was, how personally he was taking it. He clearly felt like he wasn't pulling his weight, which was ridiculous because Sora had done so much for all of them and he deserved time to take care of himself, but to Sora it was a punishment. A part of Riku agreed. He knew Sora couldn't fight in his condition, but he also knew Sora hated being cooped up. He often thought handling really simple tasks would help get his confident back up, but he was vetoed by the others. This mission was actually perfect. Olympus rarely had problems with the heartless, a combination of Hades seeming to have learned his lesson about partnering with dark forces to usurp Zeus, and there being plenty of heroes in their world at all times. There weren't many worlds that were safer, and Riku knew that if anything did happen he could handle it. And yet, he still felt guilty. Master Yen Sid and Mickey were going to be pissed to know they snuck off like this, and Riku felt like he was betraying them. He also worried that if Sora stayed cooped up for too long he’d sneak off on his own. At least this way Riku could watch over him.

"Hey! Sorry," Sora said as he climbed into the hatch. 

"Not that eager to leave anymore? We can cancel our plan," he teased. Sora glared at him, face flushed.

"Don't you dare." 

Riku leaned closer. "Are you alright? Why are you all red? I hope you didn't run here. That’s not exactly subtle."

Sora shook his head and laughed, but he seemed to go even redder. Riku was about to ask if they really should cancel when Sora spoke up.

"I'm fine, just excited. Can I fly?"

He snorted and turned away, starting up the ship. 

"Absolutely not."

"Aww come on, you always get to fly."

"Because I'm better at it."

"Are not!" Sora said petulantly while he put his seat belt on.

Riku finished getting the ship ready for take off and glanced at him, smirk dancing across his lips. 

"Wanna bet? We should race one day." 

Sora lit up at the challenge. "You're on! I'm going to kick your butt!"

Riku smiled at him and took a moment to take him in, enjoying seeing the genuine happiness in those blue eyes. He missed that look. 

"Only if I let you win," he shot back, hitting the accelerator and starting their adventure. 

++++++++

Sora could not stay still. Which, okay, he couldn't stay still on a normal day, but this moment was 100 times worse. He couldn't stop thinking about what he overheard, and any time he thought about it he realized Riku was right next to him and it made him feel embarrassed, like Riku would read his thoughts. 

He shifted again and crossed his legs under him, rubbing his thumb across the armrest. Lea said that Riku had feelings for him. 

_And Xion said he was in love with you._

He felt himself blush at the thought. He took a quick glance at Riku. That couldn't be true, could it? If Riku felt that way about him, surely Sora would know. 

He thought about what else Lea said, that he was taking advantage of Riku's feelings. 

_Using him as a pseudo boyfriend._

The reminder made him clench the armrests, offense and embarrassment twisting together inside him. He would never use Riku in any way, especially like that. Riku was his best friend, one of the people he cared about the most. He'd never be purposefully mean to him, especially over something like being in love.

He wanted to groan and bang his head on the dash, but he couldn't draw attention to himself. Riku _was not_ in love with him, that was ridiculous. Lea was probably just projecting about his own weird thing with Isa. They had the nerve to call him oblivious, but Sora had seen the way those two were dancing around each other and sometimes he just wanted to shove them together, even though Kairi told him not to butt in. She should tell him not to butt in Sora’s friendship.

Except Sora was the one who was technically getting involved where he didn't belong, eavesdropping on their conversation. He sighed and rested his head in one hand, staring out at the asteroids in front of him. Lea had been talking to other people about this, and Xion had even agreed, and Roxas didn't try to argue against it. So that meant three people thought Riku was in love with him, and at least one person who thought Sora was messing with Riku's feelings without noticing.

"Hey,"

The touch on his arm sent Sora flying out of his seat. 

"Woah!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" He said as he sat back down, hating the concerned way Riku was looking at him. "I zoned out." He tried to grin as bright as possible, but it did nothing to wipe the worry away. Riku's arm was hovering hesitantly in the seat between them, so Sora reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Seriously, you startled me. That's all."

Riku grabbed his wrist in turn and rubbed his thumb across it. Sora was glad he was already flushing from embarrassment. "Are you sure you're alright? We can turn back if you want, I won't be mad."

Sora shook his head adamantly, that was the last thing he wanted. He wasn't going to let _Axel_ and his stupid opinions get in the way of his freedom.

"No! No, I'm fine. I promise. I really was just zoned out." He crossed his arms behind his head and yawned. "I'm a little tired actually. I'll take a nap and I can take over for you when I wake up."

Riku shook his head. "No need, I took a potion." 

Sora frowned at him. "You sure?" Potions worked wonders at keeping people awake, but they couldn't fully replace real sleep and they all had to make sure they remembered to get real rest when they could. 

Riku smiled at him, green eyes sparkling with fondness and making Sora's stomach clench. 

_He’s in love with you._

Sora looked away. 

"Yeah I'm sure. I'm good. Get some sleep."

He got up and decided to go to the mini bedroom in the back, if only so he could scream about his racing thoughts in peace. 

++++++++

Sora didn't bother with sleep, like he usually didn't these days, swallowing down a potion instead. He spent all of his time circulating the same thoughts. 

_Riku can't love you, you'd know._

_But then why would Lea say that?_

_He was talking about when Riku was still scared of the darkness. Riku probably missed you as much as you missed him, and Lea misunderstood that._

_Then why did Xion and Roxas agree?_

_They spend too much time with Lea._

_But what if it's true?_

And repeat. He turned the thoughts in his head over and over. He thought Lea had to be wrong. He was definitely wrong about thinking Sora knew, so he must be wrong about the whole situation. 

He shook his head, trying to dislodge the thoughts. This was stupid. Of course, Riku didn't like him like that. Few friends had been through what they went through, lost each other that many times. It made sense they acted different than typical friends. 

Sora let his annoyances override his doubts. He was supposed to be spending this time with Riku, not stressing about gossip by himself. He had enough stress already.

Resolve bolstered, he finally left the bedroom and walked back to the cockpit. Riku was letting the auto pilot take control, typing on his gummi phone and laughing softly at something. 

"Whoya talking to?" Sora tried to peak over his shoulder. 

"Aqua," Riku said and tilted the phone away. 

Sora gave up and plopped down on the other chair. "What's so funny?" 

"I asked her if keyblade masters could be fired."

"Oh," he responded, putting his feet on the dash and crossing his arms. He sat up again the next second. "Wait what!? You told her!"

Riku finally looked up from his phone and shrugged, clearly amused by Sora's reaction. "I wasn't just going to ditch her."

"That wasn't the plan!" Sora whined, returning to his previous position, now with an added pout. "She's going to rat us out."

"Come on Sora. Everyone will know we left by the time we arrive in Olympus. Or did you forget how the time flow works again?"

"I know how the time flow works," he bit out. You mix up time changes _one_ time and suddenly everyone thinks you're incapable. He knew that even though the trip only took two hours for them, it would be morning back at the tower by the time they got to Olympus. "I'm not that useless."

"You're not useless at all. No one thinks that."

"Maybe you don't." 

"Sora look at me."

He kept his eyes straight ahead, feeling stubborn. 

"Sora," Riku repeated, tone low and gentle, with a hint of pleading in it. Sora felt something in his chest loosen and he finally turned his head. 

Riku was glancing between him and the sky, hands back on the wheel since they were moving through a group of large asteroids. 

"No one thinks you're useless. Because you aren't. You just need time to process.”

Sora suddenly wished Riku would reach out and touch him again, but knew he had to focus on controlling the ship. 

"Sure," he muttered, looking away. No one else had to "take time to process." Aqua was in the realm of darkness for _ten_ years and she came out fine. Sora was just weak. 

He heard Riku sigh next to him and felt a hand squeeze his shoulder gently. 

"You're going to be fine, Sora. You always are."

++++++++

The rest of the trip was uneventful, Sora filling the air with chatter so Riku would stop worrying. Now they were landed and getting ready to get off, and Sora was excited despite the way his hands were trembling. 

_It's fine. You're with Riku and you'll get to see Herc and nothing bad will happen._

Sora hated how he had to talk himself into doing something as simple as get off the ship. He stuck his shaking hands in his pockets and plastered on a grin, trying to focus on everything he was looking forward to. 

"Ready?"

He nodded at Riku and followed him to the open hatch, laughing when Riku stepped to the side and held his arm out dramatically. 

"After you."

The joke helped Sora's smile be less fake, and his spirits were lifted until Lea's words filtered through his head again. 

_Shut up, Axel._

They walked up the lane towards the city, the pleasant smell of the fresh bloomed flowers and the stream wafting over them. 

"Wow, can you believe this is the first time we've been to Olympus together?" Sora sighed. "We've barely gotten to go anywhere at the same time. That was what we wanted in the first place, wasn't it? To see other worlds together?"

Riku smiled down at him and rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, it's alright. We made it now, didn't we? And we'll have plenty of time to see worlds together soon."

Sora couldn't help but doubt that. They never had time for anything. Whenever Sora thought he'd have a second to catch his breath there was another threat, another catastrophe, another friend who needed saving. Everyone kept telling him they had won, but he felt like danger was just around the corner. Another threat, stronger, smarter, more confusing. Each time, winning felt harder than the last, and Sora didn't know what was going to happen if he couldn't keep up. 

He felt the hands in his pockets start to sweat, and the trembling moving up his arms. He clenched his fists to try and damp it down. He sucked in a deep breath, trying to count his breathing like he was taught. 

This time when Riku reached out to touch him, Sora had his keyblade drawn before he even made contact. They froze, Riku with his empty hand outstretched and Sora's keyblade pointing back at him. Once his brain caught up with his body, he called it back. 

"Sorry!"

"Sora," Riku sighed. "This was a mistake. Let's go."

"No!" Riku was already turning to walk back to the ship and Sora grabbed his hand. "Listen to me! That won't help. That wasn't because of where we are it was because...I was thinking about something. And if I go back there with nothing to do all I'll be doing is thinking, that isn't what I need. What I need is to go to Olympus and see Herc and Meg and Phil and go to the market and just...be in the moment."

Riku stared at him for a long time. Sora didn't know what he was looking for but he tried to look at sincere as possible. It must have worked because Riku sighed again and turned back around, switching the hand Sora was holding so they could walk in the same direction. 

"Fine. But try not to stab me."

Sora hummed. "What, you're telling me you can't take it? When did you become such a wimp?"

Riku laughed and knocked their shoulders together. "Who're you calling a wimp? Also, don't think this is going to make me forget you still owe me lunch." He lifted his hand to his chin in thought. "Breakfast?"

"Hmm," Sora said. "I don't think it's breakfast if you don't go to sleep."

They argued the point all the way to the coliseum, hands clasped together the whole time.

++++++++

"You sure I can't get ya in the ring today kid?" Phil asked for what felt like the hundredth time. Sora was starting to get annoyed. 

"How many times you gotta ask, Phil?" Hercules said, stepping in front of him and shoving him out of the way. "They have important hero business to get back to. They don't have time for your games." Hercules winked at him and Sora felt his heart warm at being able to pay a visit to his friend. 

They had already looked over the new defense materials Yen Sid had purchased for them. Sora was surprised but pleased to see new gauntlets had been gotten for him as well, even though he couldn't help feeling like it was a waste. Right now, Riku was off to the side on the phone with the king. Sora tried to listen to hear how bad it was but he couldn't over Herc's chatting and Riku's body language gave nothing away. 

"Let me know how the equipment works out. Then you and I can have a rematch!"

"You're on!" Sora yelled, hoping his flush wasn't noticeable. He hated the idea of Herc seeing him in this condition after they went through all that trouble to be named heroes.

_Goofy and Donald deserve the title, but you don't._

"We need to go." Riku appeared before he could get too caught up in his own thoughts. 

"Alright. See ya, Herc!" They said their goodbyes and made their way out of Olympus, Sora buying them food to eat on the way as promised. 

"So, how bad is it?"

Riku chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Well I'm not fired, so there's that. But yeah, Mickey was mostly worried at first and then disappointed. I imagine Yen Sid is furious, he wants to see both of us when we get back."

Sora nodded and chewed his lip. All of that was to be expected. "Are you mad at me?"

"Huh? For what?"

"For dragging you into this."

Riku smiled and shook his head. "You didn't drag me into anything. I easily could have said no."

"Why didn't you?" Sora didn't know what compelled him to ask that. 

Riku ruffled his hair again. "I know you needed this. I don't blame you for being bored, even though I know everyone just wants to keep you safe. I figured this was a good compromise."

"Thanks," he responded softly. He glanced did up at Riku and had to look away at the way the sun bounced off his silver hair. Could what Lea said really be true? Riku did so much for him, went so far, was it because he...

He saw the gummi ship in the distance and broke into a run.

"First one to the ship gets to fly!" He yelled behind him, laughing at Riku's protests. 

++++++++

Sora knew he was moping, knew he should be chatting and making jokes with Riku. The situation they were going to face back at the tower was his own doing so what right did he have to feel bad about it now? Regardless, he wasn't looking forward to their return at all. He'd probably be watched more carefully, even less trusted and more of an inconvenience than before and now he'd taken Riku down with him. 

"Are you sure you're not mad?" 

Riku twitched a little at the question, clearly lost in his own thoughts. His eyes softened when he looked over at Sora. 

"I promise I'm not mad. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to this. I knew we'd be in trouble."

"And you agreed anyway." 

Riku smiled at him. "Yeah well, what are best friends for?"

Sora laughed, his worry being replaced by an all encompassing warmth. He sighed. 

"I don't want to go back. Now I'm going to be even more of a prisoner."

"You're not a prisoner," Riku said, shifting his hands on the controls. 

"Aren't I?" Sora looked back out the front window. "There's nothing for me to do except study, I'm not allowed to travel anywhere unless it's to Destiny Islands, which you know would be even worse." He knew Riku would relate to that, the way being back on the islands alone made him feel out of the loop, abandoned, like he'd be forgotten there if he didn't get back out soon enough. "No one will even take me places with them. _You_ didn't even want to take me!"

"I did," Riku insisted. "I just didn't want to get you in trouble. You really think I haven't also thought about just taking you on a mission with me instead?" 

"You did?" Sora asked softly, looking at him in surprise. He imagined Riku on his missions with Terra or Aqua or Kairi but thinking about him, wishing he was there instead. Something pleasant curled between his ribs at the thought. 

"Of course." Riku looked over at him again, eyes sincere. "Why do you think I said yes so easily?"

Sora smirked and hummed. "Thought it was my powers of persuasion." 

Riku snorted loudly. "Repeating please over and over again? Yeah, really great technique." 

"Hey it worked, didn't it? In that case then it just means you're weak for me and will do what I want."

_Maybe you shouldn't say things like that._

He was thankful Riku was focusing on the sky, knowing the panic was clear on his face. Was it weird for him to say something like that? Especially if Riku really did-

"Not a chance." A pen hit Sora in the head and interrupted his train of thought. 

"Ow!" He picked up the pen from between the seat and threw it back. 

"Behave or I'm going to crash us into an asteroid," Riku threatened. 

Sora only laughed at him and turned sideways in his seat, pulling his legs under him and resting the side of his head against the headrest. 

Riku glanced over. "Are you tired?"

Sora shook his head even though it was a lie. He was always tired, refusing to sleep for as long as possible, but the others didn't need to know that. 

He watched Riku while he flew, admiring how focused and careful he looked. Sora liked the way he held the wheel comfortably, body and grip relaxed from confidence, eyes still sharp, prepared to react if he needed to. 

Riku glanced over at him again quizzically, and Sora just waved and pulled a silly face. He laughed with a muttered "dork" and turned back. 

"I don't want to go back," Sora said after a few long minutes. 

"Don't blame you."

Sora bit his lip. "What if we didn't?" 

That got Riku's attention. "Huh?"

"What if we didn't go back yet?" He clarified, gripping the armrest in front of him and leaning forward. "We're already in trouble, and they'll probably let you off the hook sooner rather than later, but who knows when I'll see the inside of a gummi ship again?"

"We can't just not go back, we have the new gear."

"Okay so we fly by and throw it out the hatch without landing and keep going."

Riku laughed. "You know Mickey would have a stopera cast before we could go anywhere."

"Well they don't need the new gear _right_ now."

Riku fully took his eyes off the sky. "You're serious?"

"Yes!" Sora lifted up on his knees and leaned even further forward. "We're already on the gummi ship, let's go somewhere! We can hang out and explore somewhere together like we wanted. I know!" Sora jumped out his seat and pulled out his phone. "We can go to San Fransokyo! I've been dying to take you there, you'd love it! And you can meet Hiro and Baymax and it will be great-"

"Sora." Riku said his name quietly, but it still stopped him in his tracks. "We can't do that."

"Yes we _can,"_ he whined. "Don’t say we can't because that's not true. Say you won't."

Riku sighed and looked away. Sora may have just had the idea but he suddenly _needed_ it, felt like he needed it more than he's needed anything in his whole life. He couldn't handle going back to everyone working and fighting without him and telling him to cheer up, that he'll be fine in no time. He dropped to his knees next to Riku's seat. 

" _Please_ Riku. Please just one more little pit stop and then we can go home I swear. Hiro would tell me if they were having issues with heartless and there's six OTHER heroes there in case of anything and I really want you to see San Fransokyo there's so much cool stuff and I really want to do one fun thing before going back please please come on I'll make it up to yo-"

"Enough!" Riku said, laughing. "Get up, you're embarrassing. We can go."

"Really?" Sora stood up and jumped up and down. "I did not think you were going to say yes! This is going to be so cool I've wanted to take you there so badly!" 

Riku glanced over at him from where he was reprogramming the waypoint, appreciative smile on his lips. "You've mentioned. I've really wanted to go."

Sora grinned back, getting lost in the way Riku was looking at him.

_He loves you._

He quickly turned back to his phone to finish calling Hiro, trying to focus on all of the fun things he wanted them to do.

++++++++

"Sora!" Fred yelled when they walked into the garage, pulling him into a hug. 

"Hey guys!" Sora had been struggling on the way here, thoughts of how mad everyone will be and how this will solidify his status as a screw up swirling through his head and making his hands shake. But all that was shoved to the back of his mind when they arrived and he watched Riku's eyes light up in admiration. He knew Riku found San Fransokyo as impressive as promised and was thrilled to finally be able to share it with him.

"Sora!" The others yelled and soon he was pulled in a big group hug, a chorus of "good to see yous" and "we missed yous" surrounding him. 

Eventually he freed himself and grabbed Riku's arm, bringing him forward. "This is Riku!" 

They all introduced themselves while Sora went over to Baymax, hugging him as well. 

"Hey Baymax! I missed you!"

"It's nice to see you again Sora." 

Baymax returned his hug and Sora gave him an extra tight squeeze, jealous that Hiro had the perfect hugging companion all the time. 

They caught up on what Hiro and his friends had been up to since they were gone, the Big Hero 6 gang telling them all of the places they should go to on their visit. They spent a long while in the garage, Sora chatting away while Hiro showed Riku the computer. 

"Catch!" Sora turned and just barely caught the headset thrown at him. He hoped his fumbling wasn't too obvious. 

"Shugyo time?" Hiro asked him from across the room, he and Riku both wearing headsets. Sora's heart soared at how excited Riku looked. 

"Shugyo time!" He put his own head set on and the rest followed, Fred and Wasabi excitedly chanting shugyo. 

The thought of running through the city, jumping through hoops and flying over buildings made his heart pick up in a good way. 

++++++++

Sora couldn't fight, but his acrobatic skills were as good as ever. He could still jump off any high surface without a problem, and making up obstacles courses was usually how he kept himself entertained back at the tower. It was paying off now, as he launched himself from one roof to the other, hitting all the globes in the process. They were playing a game, he and Riku on opposite teams trying to gather as many points as possible before the time ran out. Their scores kept fluctuating wildly as they all ran around collecting orbs, unable to tell which team would be the winner.

There was a marker of everyone's location on the screen, but Sora didn't need it. He felt like he always knew where Riku was, one part of Sora's being always focused on locating him, even as the rest of him focused on the race. 

"Bonus orb!" Hiro shouted, and Sora paused on the roof to scan the street. 

_There!_

He started toward it and he could see Riku on the roofs across from him out of the corner of his eye. They had both spotted it at the same time and were running after it, easily clearing all of the roofs in their way. Sora sped up, determined to beat him to it. He spotted a flowmotion point on the roof nearest the orb and flew over to it, grabbing onto the building's needle and spinning easily before launching himself off the side of the building, running the rest of the way down. He smirked when he saw Riku copying his move, knowing he had gotten ahead of him. 

A bead of sweat dripped down Sora's back as he descended the building and he felt the tell tale tingle, his heart rate no longer feeling exhilarating, his lungs straining with rapid breaths. 

_No. Not now._

Suddenly he was in the rain, running through the street for his life, dark, ominous skyscrapers whizzing by. 

_You're not there anymore._

He tried to speed up, hoping focusing on reaching the orb would ground him. But that was a mistake because he stumbled and fell, body slamming into the side of the building. 

Sora twisted around, trying to right himself. He had done this a thousand times, he knew how to catch himself, but the blood was rushing in his ears and his chest hurt and he couldn't get any air.

He felt someone grab him, and could hear instructions to breathe but he couldn't. He couldn't breathe no matter how hard he tried and his heart was beating so fast and _he was gonna die he was gonna die he was gonna die._ He heard voices screaming his name through the headset, and then the world went dark. 

++++++++

When Sora came to, the first thing he noticed was the warmth. He felt like he was cocooned in a thick blanket, or a giant chair. 

"He is waking up." A robotic voice said above him. 

"Sora!" 

He opened his eyes, blinking against the bright light and taking in seven faces looking at him in concern. Riku was at his side, hand squeezing his shoulder. 

"How are you feeling?"

"What happened?" He asked, looking around. He looked up and realized Baymax was the warm chair, the robot holding him in a secure hug. 

"You had a panic attack," the robot informed.

"Oh," he looked away from everyone, realizing they were in a park, Sora on the ground while everyone gathered around them. "Right. I fell off the building."

"Yeah, Baymax caught you," Hiro told him. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, sorry about that," he said, still not looking up. He couldn't believe that just happened in front of everyone. He wasn't even fighting. He pressed his hands into his eyes and groaned. "This is so embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed," Hiro, Honey Lemon, and Riku all said at once.

"Really, Sora," Honey squatted down so she could be closer. "It happens to all of us. Here." She pressed a to-go cup in his hands. 

Sora found that hard to believe but he tried to muster up gratefulness and sipped the tea. "Thanks." He felt fingers run through his hair and turned to look at Riku. 

"Are you sure you're okay? You hit the building pretty hard. I cured you but-"

"I feel great," Sora cut him off. It wasn't a lie, physically he felt fine besides the residual shaking in his hands. It was his pride that was hurt. He and Riku had been having so much fun, and he ruined it. "Thanks." He looked up. "And thank you too, Baymax. You're really comfy." 

"You are welcome, Sora," the bot responded cheerfully. "I have calibrated my body to be the ideal warmth to help keep you calm, but please let me know if you would like it adjusted." 

Sora buried further into Baymax's arms. "Mmm, no it's perfect." 

"We're glad you're okay." Gogo spoke up. Sora nodded at her thankfully, wishing they could all stop talking about how he made a fool of himself. 

"Does that happen often?" Honey Lemon asked. 

Sora scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "Uh, recently." 

She hummed in sympathy. "I'm sorry. Do you know what causes them?"

Sora shook his head and looked away, not wanting to get into it.

"Well," Hiro said, taking off his headset, "I think that's enough shugyo for today."

"No!" Sora sat up, loosening Baymax's hold. "You guys can continue, I can watch or something."

"No way!" Wasabi said. 

"Yeah, you came to hang out with us. We're not going to let you sit out, little dude," Fred added. 

"We can take you around and actually show you San Fransokyo, not just the rooftops," Hiro joked. "It'll be fun."

Sora looked at all of them watching him expectantly and he nodded. Disappointment filled him. Once again, he was being an inconvenience. "That sounds fun. You can let me up now, Baymax." He stood and listened to the others discussing where they should go first. 

"Hey," Riku said gently, pulling him off to the side. "If you're not up for this we can leave." 

Sora shook his head frantically. "No! I don't want to leave. I promise I'll stay off any buildings." 

Riku frowned and Sora could see all of the hesitation and concern he was carrying. 

"Riku," he said gently, grabbing his arm in turn. They were linked now, both holding the other's arm. "I'm alright. I'm sorry I scared you. I promise I won't do anything else like that while we're here, and I know the others wouldn't let me. We can hang out with them and see the sights, from the ground. Promise." Sora stomped his feet against the concrete for evidence. 

Riku laughed and shook his head. "You better," he sighed and his face turned serious again. "We can go, but I'm going to veto anything I don't think you're up for." 

"I will be monitoring Sora's vitals," Baymax spoke up, "if there are any signs of emotional distress I can address them." 

"Thanks, Baymax," Riku answered, and Sora couldn't help noticing how genuinely relieved he sounded. He searched Riku's face, trying to find any evidence of Lea's claim, but Riku looked the way he always did. 

_You would be scared too if this was happening to him. This is normal for both of you._

"You guys ready?" Hiro called from where he was standing with the other group. 

He dropped Riku's arm. "Yeah, let's go!" 

++++++++

To Riku’s relief, the rest of the day passed without incident. They went all over San Fransokyo, the food places, the stores, even a couple of arcades. It was one of the best days he had in a long time. 

Now, they were sitting by the water, perched on the rail separating the bay from the land, enjoying the sunset while they ate their popsicles. He was sitting with Hiro, Honey Lemon, and Fred on one side and Sora was with Wasabi and GoGo on the other.

“So,” Fred said, nudging him, “how long have you two been dating?”

Riku’s eyes widened and he knew he was blushing, but he did everything in his power to reign in his reaction.

“We’re not dating,” he said as flat as possible, determined to cut off the conversation.

“Really? But-“

“Fred!” Honey Lemon cut him off. “Enough.”

Riku couldn’t imagine what they were seeing on his face right now. He wanted to leave, but there was no graceful way for him to exit the conversation.

“Riku!”

_Speak of the devil._

He turned and saw Sora waving him over. He took advantage of his chance right away.

“I’m bored with this one, trade me,” Sora said when he came over and sat down, holding out his half eaten cherry popsicle. Riku accepted it and handed over his lime one.

"Ew, no. You two are not serious right now."

They both laughed at the way GoGo and Wasabi were looking at them in disgust. It wasn't the first time they had gotten this reaction. "We've been doing it since we were kids,” Sora said.

"Yeah but you're supposed to grow out of that!" Wasabi yelled, fingers pointed at them accusingly.

Sora ignored them and took a bite of his new popsicle. "Yours is good," he told Riku.

Riku hummed next to him and tried the cherry one. "Yeah, I think I liked mine better."

"Want it back?" They both laughed at the chorus of "so gross" that followed. 

"Nah, it's alright. Yours isn't bad."

"I really can't believe I'm watching you two eat those popsicle like nothing is wrong." GoGo turned to Wasabi. "Were you this gross as a teenage boy?"

He shook his head. "No way! I mean I'd let someone take a bite out of a new one, but I'm not eating someone's popsicle after they slobbered all over the whole thing!”

"If you think that's gross," Sora said, leaning closer to her, "wait till I tell you about how I used to eat the sour candies until they weren't sour anymore and then give him the rest." 

GoGo jabbed her hands in her ears "Lalalalalalala," she said, Wasabi yelling behind her. 

"That was when we were really little,” Riku supplied, laughing at the memory. He had forgotten until Sora mentioned it.

"What's even the point of that?" Wasabi asked. 

"I didn't like the sour part."

"So then just eat a different candy!" 

++++++++

When Sora finished his last bite he dropped the popsicle stick to the ground to pick up later. He wiped his hands on the napkin and scooted closer to Riku to watch the sunset. 

"Reminds me of Twilight Town."

"Yeah, except no sea salt ice cream”

Sora made a face. "Sea salt ice cream is gross. I don't know where Roxas got that preference from." He laid his head on Riku's shoulder and felt his chuckle. They sat like that for awhile, the evening breeze just the right side of cool. 

He looked over at the others and noticed no pair was sitting like them. 

_The way he uses him like a pseudo boyfriend._

Sora looked down and flushed. Was this weird? This was the first time he ever questioned it. Sora was naturally touchy and he and Riku had always been affectionate as kids. That decreased some when they got older, especially after they had been separated. But when they were reunited the affection between them slowly came back. He thought it was a good thing, meant Riku was getting past his insecurities. He never once thought about what others would think. 

He glance over at the rest of the group again. Did they also think this was weird? Did they think he and Riku were dating?

He jumped as a puff of air passed in front of him, carrying a lemon and lavender scent. "Huh?" He looked around and realized Baymax was standing over him. 

"That was a scented spray to promote relaxation. Your heart rate was elevated."

Sora hoped his blush wasn't visible. "Oh, thanks Baymax, but I'm fine. I was just thinking," he said, trying to laugh it off. He took another sniff. "Smells nice though." 

The others had all looked over when they heard what Baymax said, but they thankfully took his word for it and went back to their conversations. 

"You good?" Riku whispered. Sora groaned and hid his face against his arm. "I'm FINE. It was nothing like that, Baymax overreacted."

"Alright." He stroked a hand down Sora's back but didn't push. 

Lea’s words filtered through Sora's head again and he groaned. He couldn't wait until he could spar again without having a breakdown, because he wanted to kick _Axel's_ ass. 

++++++++

Riku stretched his back on each side and then sat on the edge of his bed with his phone, opening his latest message from Mickey. 

**How're things going?**

His fingers hovered over the screen while he thought of an answer. They were at a hotel in San Fransokyo, deciding it was better to sleep here than the cramped gummi ship. They didn't technically need sleep, their trip wasn't that long and they could easily subsist on potions for a couple days longer. But Riku saw Sora's dark circles every day and they never got any better. He'd do his part to make sure Sora got at least a little sleep. 

**Fine. He had another panic attack today, but besides that I think he really enjoyed himself.**

**Good! Well, continue sticking with him and see if you can get him to come back home soon.**

**Will do. I'll let you know if he changes his mind again.**

He sighed and laid back on the bed, tired even though they didn't do much. He had a feeling Sora wouldn't want to return anytime soon, and tomorrow would bring another suggestion. Riku had been keeping Mickey aware of their whereabouts since they first left. They both agreed it wouldn't help to force Sora to come back, so Riku would ride out this "adventure" until Sora got tired of it. 

He glanced out the window of his room, smiling while looking at the lights of San Fransokyo. He was happy to be here with Sora, the other having told him so much about this world, but he wished it was under better circumstances. He wished Sora was well enough to enjoy everything, not walking around with his hands hidden in his pockets as if that would stop Riku from noticing the trembling. All Sora did was hide, between smiles and laughter and self deprecating jokes, but Riku could see the truth. He was afraid.

All Riku wanted was to keep him safe, but he couldn't protect Sora from his own mind. 

++++++++

Sora exited the bathroom slowly, worry gnawing at his stomach. Getting a room with Riku had seemed like a great idea until he realized how much he had to hide. He hadn't slept in three days, and he could probably go seven more days until the potions weren't enough and his body forced him to crash. The problem was normally he was in his room alone and no one knew he wasn't sleeping. With Riku in the other bed across from him he'd have to pretend to sleep. At least he found the strength to actually put on his pajamas. Being someplace he didn't consider familiar had triggered the old impulse, and he spent a long time standing in his towel convincing himself that he was safe enough to not put his fighting clothes back on.

Riku was on his phone again, and Sora wondered when he became so busy, pulled in so many directions. Probably during the year he was missing. 

_That's why it took him so long._

No. Sora shut that thought down. No one had any idea where he was, how to find him. That's why it took so long. No other reason. 

He crawled into bed and couldn't help his contented sigh. The bed was really comfortable and he could happily stay there all night even if he didn't sleep. 

"Hey," Riku called across the room. Sora looked over. "Before you pass out on me-"

"Not gonna pass out," he mumbled. Riku rolled his eyes and yawned. 

"Alright, well before I pass out on you, I wanna say thanks. I had fun."

"I should be thanking you."

Riku gave him a look. "It's not a competition."

It was Sora's turn to roll his eyes, and he punctuated it with turning over in a huff, smiling at Riku laughing behind him. He laid there listening to Riku moving around the room, turning off his light and getting in his own bed. Sora wondered if he should actually try to get real sleep. Maybe Riku's presence would keep the nightmares away. 

He called his keyblade and rested it on the wall next to his bed. 

"Sora?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Uhh, sleeping?" He tried to sound nonchalant even though he knew full well what Riku was asking about. 

"Why do you have your keyblade out?"

Sora took a long time to answer. "I just... like to know it's there. I know it's technically always there but it's different when I can see it." His voice was barely above a whisper but he knew Riku was listening. He waited for a response. Laughter, derision. Nothing came for so long Sora wondered if Riku wasn't going to comment on it at all. 

Then he heard rustling behind him, and soft footsteps coming towards his bed. Riku appeared in his line of vision, Braveheart in his hand, and placed it against the wall next to the kingdom key. 

He sucked in a breath and it stuck. He knew he should say something, say thank you, but he couldn't speak around the lump on his throat. All Riku did was smile at him, green eyes illuminated by the light from the window. He touched Sora's kingdom key with two fingers and then walked back to his own bed. 

Sora stared at the other keyblade, message ringing loud and clear in his head. _I'm also here. I'll protect you._

_Love._

He shut his eyes. He already knew Riku loved him, he couldn't remember a life without Riku's love. But was what Riku felt romantic love? A million moments flashed through his mind. Him and Riku playing as children, wrestling as they got older, Riku teasing him to run faster, be stronger, hit harder. Riku wordlessly putting sunscreen on his back when he forgot. Gripping what he thought was Ansem's hand and falling to his knees in relief when he finally saw Riku after missing him for so long. A dark moonlit beach, him and Riku alone together at the end of the world. Finally seeing Riku in Quadratum and feeling safe for the first time in a year, proof he wasn't abandoned or forgotten about. A younger, longer haired Riku dressed in dark armor, eyes filled with pain Sora still didn't fully understand the source of. 

He shook his head and clenched the blanket tighter around him. If Riku had possibly ever loved him like that, it was the old Sora. The happy, strong one. If he had ever been strong. He was different now. There was nothing admirable left. 

He opened his eyes again and looked at the two keyblades, the sparse lighting drawn to them and glinting off the metal. He rubbed his crown necklace between his fingers. 

_I'll always protect you._

++++++++

Sora didn't sleep. He spent all night hyper aware of Riku sleeping in the other bed, Sora's thoughts amplifying his presence. With nothing better to do and no room in his brain for anything else he went over all of their interactions, every single moment they spent together that he could possibly remember, trying to pinpoint evidence of a change. It was hard because there were so many. Riku was integrated into his earliest memories, they had been friends before Sora could walk. Not to mention he didn't know if any important memories had been lost after his stint at castle oblivion. However, there were two that kept coming back to him, hazy from not having been recalled in a long time. 

_The first was when Sora was 11, waking up on the play beach, a blanket beneath him and Riku's purple hoodie over him. It was the middle of the night, and he was barely awake, his consciousness trying to drag him back into slumber. But something had woken him up. He blinked tiredly, trying to get his mind and eyes to focus, and then he heard it again, a bitten back sob, loud in stillness of the empty beach. He realized it was coming from the secret place and for one delirious second he wondered if the monster existed after all. Then he realized Riku was nowhere around and oh, he was the one crying._

_A part of Sora demanded he go check on his friend, but the rest of him was so incredibly exhausted, and Riku hated letting people see him cry anyway, even Sora. He foolishly told himself he'd ask Riku about it the next day, and drifted back to sleep._

There was another memory of a different night Sora remembered much clearer.

_They were 11 and 12 in this one too, and decided it would be a great idea to sneak out to the play island and have a sleepover. They had invited Kairi but she was convinced they'd get caught and turned them down, so they had gone alone. They planned all the snacks they were going to bring and stuff to make a fire and toys to play with. Sora remembered how terrified he was sneaking to his front door, convinced his mom would ambush him. But he made it out, and his heart was hammering as he walked down the street to the docks. Riku was already waiting in the boat, glowing with excitement. Sora jumped in and they giggled and whispered while they rowed, both afraid of talking too loud. The magic carried over to the beach, continuing to whisper (loudly) every time they spoke to each other, even though they were the only ones there, even though they were also yelling as they ran through the water and threw the Frisbee._

_Eventually, after too much sugar and too much playing, they collapsed on the blanket together. Sora was worn out from the excitement and adrenaline of not getting caught. He picked up Riku's discarded hoodie and pulled it over him like a blanket._

_"Dont sleep too long," Riku had said. "We need to get back before our parents wake up.”_

_"Okay," he mumbled, quickly sinking into slumber. "Hey Riku," he slurred, trying to force the words out while he still could. "Thanks for taking me on an adventure." The only response was Riku's warm hand covering his and squeezing._

There was a gap in Sora's memory here, presumably from finally falling asleep. But there was one more thing he remembered, the memory so gauzy he wondered if it was real.

_The faintest brush of lips against his cheek, millimeters away from his mouth. He had almost opened his eyes, but he had been so tired, and he cared about sleep more than he cared about his confusion so he let it go._

_Riku woke him up before dawn, when the sky was transforming from black to dark blue, and told him they had to go if they didn't want to get caught. Sora noticed his eyes were red and assumed it was from the lack of sleep._

The problem with the two memories was their supposed order. Kairi was right, they _had_ gotten caught the night they snuck out, and they were grounded for such an absurdly long time they declared it wasn't worth it and never did it again. So how could the memory of Riku crying be on a different night? Sora knew he had the ages right because Riku had lost that purple hoodie, a favorite of his, on a fishing trip a year later. Both moments had to have happened on the same night. 

Riku had kissed him when he was asleep, and then spent the rest of the night crying in the secret place. 

++++++++

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this." 

Riku rubbed his hands together trying to remove the cold. Even with gloves on his hands were still freezing. 

"If you weren't so slow you wouldn't be as cold!" Sora yelled from ahead of him. 

After another day in San Fransokyo, Sora still didn't want to go home. Since Riku had permission to basically follow him around until he was ready to come home, he easily agreed to another stop. That was how they ended up in Arendelle, Riku freezing his ass off. It was much colder here than it had been in the mountains of the Land of Dragons and he really wasn't a fan. However, his freezing limbs and snow labored steps were all forgotten whenever he looked at Sora's red cheeks and glittering eyes. 

They were walking down the mountain from where they parked the ship towards the town. Sora was telling him about the last time he was here, the talking snowman and being thrown off a mountain with Donald and Goofy.

"Riku look!" Sora bounded over to a snowball off to the side of the path and jumped on, rolling it under his feet easily. Riku laughed and jogged to try and keep up with the snowball that was increasing in speed and size and as it rolled downhill.

"Woo!" Sora cheered with his hands in the air. Riku was glad he could still look so happy and carefree. 

"Get up here!" Sora yelled when he stopped, holding out a hand. Riku grabbed it and pulled himself up. It took them a couple of tries but soon they found the right rhythm to get the snowball rolling together. They were almost at the bottom of the path when Sora yelped and jumped onto his back.

"Sora!"

They fell off the snowball and landed in a heap in the snow, crashing it in the process. When their laughing fit was finished, Riku curled his arms under his head. "Snow is nice. I could fall in this all day."

"That's what I said!" 

They looked at each other and dissolved into another round of laughter. Every time it started to slow down, they'd look at each other and start up again. 

After minutes of the same pattern they finally calmed down and Riku stood.

Sora sighed. "Help me up."

"Mhmm," he answered while leaning over and gathering snow in his hands, packing it together. He glanced over at Sora who had his eyes closed, white flecks decorating his eyelashes and hair. Riku chucked the snowball at Sora's back and ran. 

"Hey! How dare you! Come back here!" 

Riku ignored Sora's yells and kept running, laughing when a snowball hit his back. They chased each other and threw snowballs until they reached the town.

++++++++

"Why are we doing this again?" 

"Because it's fun," Sora insisted as he laced up his ice skates. Neither of them had ever gone skating, and when he saw the crowd on the frozen pond he couldn't think about doing anything else. He paused his tying and leaned over to where Riku was leaning down and tying his own skates, bringing their faces close together. "Scared I'll be better than you? I do have better balance."

Riku snorted. "You do not." 

"I do!" 

Riku smirked and leaned even closer. "Yeah? I bet you won't last five minutes without falling." 

Sora noticed how close their faces were and pulled away, going back to tying his laces. "You're on." He finished his knot and wiggled his leg around, sighing and untying it immediately. 

"You've tied that three times already."

"I know," he whined. "I can't get it tight enough to match the other one for some reason." He ignore the voice telling him it was probably because of the way his hands were shaking. His lack of sleep wasn't helping his mental state. Sora spent their second day in San Fransokyo on edge, every bump from someone on a crowded street and loud car honk making him jump. He didn't even complain when Riku cut their day short, saying they had a long trip back even though it Sora already told him he wasn’t ready to go back. He picked Arendelle specifically because he thought a more peaceful setting would help his anxiety. It didn't. He could feel the low grade upset in his stomach, the ever constant tingling in his arms.

"Here." Riku gestured to his leg and Sora carefully set it on his lap. He felt the brush of Riku's fingers through the skate as he unlaced half of it. He bit his lip and hoped his blush could be blamed on the cold. 

Every interaction they had reminded Sora of the conclusion he came to the other night. That Riku maybe, probably, possibly, used to like him in a very non-friend way. He also decided that there was no way Riku still felt like that. He was much more stable now, past whatever turmoil he went through in the past. Sora noticed the relaxed way he held himself, at ease in his surroundings in a way Sora hadn't realized he missed. If anything had been there, it was in the past. Left behind with their fighting and Riku's issues with the darkness. 

Sora couldn't picture Riku having feelings for him now at all. Maybe when they were kids it made more sense, being as close as they were, only so many options on their small island. Now, Riku was much more mature. He was a _keyblade master._ He had other responsibilities, other people to care about. What could Riku possibly still see in a screw up like him?

Sora watched him while he tied the ice skate, admiring the way his silver hair glittered with snow, the pink tint on his nose from the cold, the quick and focused way he relaced and tied the laces.

"How's that?" 

He put his leg back on the ground and wiggled it again, beaming up at Riku. "Perfect. Thanks!"

He stood up on his skates. "Ready for me to beat you?" 

Riku's only response was rolling his eyes and walking towards the pond.

They stepped on the ice and Sora immediately clenched his core to try and keep his balance. The ice felt so unnatural under his feet. Being on the skates was nothing like sliding across a frozen pond in boots. He laughed at the way Riku was waving his hands trying to keep his balance and immediately flailed his own arms when laughing ruined his control. Sora started to move, stepping forward the slightest bit and pushing off. 

It didn't take long for him to get used to it. Being on the skates still felt foreign, but his natural balance kicked in and kept him upright as he adjusted to the movement. He was practicing slowing down my turning his skates in the way some other skaters were when Riku flew by him and face planted on the ice. 

"Oh my god!" Sora pushed out through his giggles. He dropped to his knees, legs like jelly from laughing too hard. 

Riku groaned and didn't move. Sora could see the red tips of his ears. He shuffled closer on his knees. "Are you alright?" The laughter was still present in his tone.

"Fine," Riku mumbled and finally sat up, frowning in annoyance. "Who decided this was fun?" 

Sora laughed again and used one knee to push himself to standing. Once he felt stable enough he reached out a hand. "Here." He had a split second to process the smirk before he was yanked down into the ice and Riku sprang up and skated away. 

"Hey!" He got back up to his feet but oh, his stomach hadn't liked that. The falling sensation ratcheted up the tightness in his stomach, the tingles in his arms now spreading across his ribs and down his legs as he skated. His legs felt shaky now, uneasy. 

_Unsafe._

No, he was fine. He was ice skating in Arendelle with Riku. Everything was fine. He grinned and tried to skate through the discomfort, wanting to continue having fun. He located Riku, finding him further ahead on the rink and looking back at Sora with a smirk. He sped up to catch him, forcing down the sensations. 

_You're fine. Don't ruin everything._

He was so focused on keeping his breathing steady that he didn't see the man until it was too late. 

"Watch out!" 

Someone knocked into Sora hard, the surprise and unfamiliarity on skates sending him flying back. He didn't even notice the pain because everything else was too much. The alarm bells were sounding all over his body, his heart like a jackhammer, stomach in knots. 

The other man was spewing apologies while other skaters helped him stand, clearly hurt from the collision. 

"Sora! Are you okay?" Riku was at his side in an instant.

Sora separated his mind from his body, trying to keep the panic attack at bay. He grabbed Riku's arm. "I need to get out of here."

Riku understood right away and lifted him up, guiding him off the ice with an arm around his waist. "I've got you. Just try to breathe. Deep breaths, remember to count." 

He tried, but his brain wasn’t communicating with his lungs. His body was tingling all over, muscles feeling so weak he thought he'd fall if Riku wasn't holding him. He felt himself be lowered onto a log. Riku knelt in front of him and quickly pulled at his laces. 

"Come on Sora. In-2-3-4, out-2-3-4." He pulled the skates off and replaced them with boots. He didn't even know when Riku had picked those up. 

Sora tried to copy his instructions, but his chest hurt. He put his hand over his heart. It was beating so fast, too fast. His heart shouldn't be that fast. 

"Sora!" Riku said firmly, bringing his attention back. He grabbed Sora's hand from his chest and put it against his own. "Breathe with me, come on. Follow me." 

Sora tried to follow the expansion of Riku's chest but all he could feel was his own chest tightening. "I can't," he pleaded, voice wet with burgeoning tears. 

"Yes you can," Riku repeated patiently. "Follow me." 

But Sora couldn't. Riku didn't know what he felt didn't know that his body was screaming at him and he could see all these people looking at him. 

He must have said that last part out loud because Riku helped him stand again and started walking. "I'll get us somewhere private. You focus on breathing." 

"I'm scared," Sora blurted, voice high pitched and shrill. "Something's wrong I’m...I feel like I’m going to die!" He was sucking in one shallow breath after the other. A part of him knew he was being hysterical, but any logic was buried behind the blind fear consuming him.

"You're _not_ going to die,” Riku said, resting him against a tree. They were much further from the pond now, blocked from the prying eyes by the wood surrounding the area. 

"I am!" 

"You're not. Shh, I promise you're not dying. You're fine. Here." Sora shut his eyes as he felt a cure spell wash over him, gentle vines and the familiarity of Riku’s magic soothing him the slightest bit. Riku placed Sora's hand on his chest again. 

"You need to take deeper breaths. Come on Sora you can do it." Riku inhaled deeply through his nose and when another spell washed over them while Sora copied him.

"That's it, again. With me." The familiar vines entwined around him again and Sora tried to focus on Riku and ignore the refrain in his head. 

_I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared please help me please don't leave me here please don't leave me alone._

Sora shut his eyes and whined, tears coming freely now, trying hard to listen to Riku and pull the air through his nose. His heart was still beating too fast and he felt sick and hot. He started pulling at his coat, trying to get it open, but his hands were shaking too bad and he couldn't grip the buttons with his gloves on. He yanked at his coat and whined in frustration, ready to tear it off.

"I've got it." Riku took over and the second he got it unbuttoned Sora yanked it off and threw it to the ground, relishing the cold air on his overheated skin. 

He didn't know how long they stood there, Sora riding out wave after wave of panic while Riku reminded him how to breathe and used cure spell after cure spell on him. Eventually the attack past, and Sora slid down the tree trunk to sit in the snow, completely worn out. 

Riku sat in the snow across from him. "Feel better?" He asked softly. 

Sora nodded and looked over to him. "Why did you waste so many cure spells? Your magic must be drained." 

Riku shook his head. "Not a waste. They seemed to make you feel better."

"Still," Sora mumbled. He patted his pockets and was happy to find an ether on him. He certainly didn't need it, so he handed it to Riku. He could see his friend hesitating, but one glare from Sora made him comply. 

They sat there until Sora started to shiver. He was covered head to toe in sweat and the cold was catching up to him now that he wasn't overheating anymore. Riku stood up. 

"Come on, let's get you out of here." Sora stood on shakey legs while Riku picked up his jacket and held it up with a frown when he felt how wet it was. "You can't where this like this." 

Sora was about to say he'd be okay without one but Riku was already removing his own. 

"What about you?" He asked when it was handed to him. 

"You need it more." 

Sora couldn't really deny that so he accepted it and put it on. The shaking in his hands had reduced enough he could button it himself, but they were still stiff and clumsy. 

"Should we find that cabin?" Riku asked. Sora nodded gratefully. 

Before they went ice skating Riku had insisted on finding a place to stay. The town had a few cabins to rent so they snagged one, not even bothering to stop and look at it before going skating. Riku had the directions and the key, so Sora let him lead the way. His teeth were starting to chatter from the cold and he pulled Riku's coat around him tighter, blushing when he thought about another time he was wearing something of Riku's. He shook his head. He didn't want to think about that now, beyond exhausted from skating and his panic attack and the cold, his brain too drained to agonize over the past.

They had a long walk to the cabin but they did it in silence, both lost in their own thoughts, neither speaking until it came into view.

"Is that ours?" 

"Should be," Riku answered. He unlocked the door and Sora was more than happy to escape the cold. 

He looked around the cabin. It was small but nice. In the main room there was a quaint fireplace with a sofa and chairs in front of it and a small kitchen with a sink and wood stove in the corner. Then there was a small bedroom and bathroom with a simple sink and tub. He walked over to the fire and lit it with his magic, sinking into the couch. He took his gloves off but didn't remove Riku's coat just yet, burying himself further into it and letting the too long sleeves cover his hands. Riku sighed heavily by the door. 

"What's wrong?"

"We have nothing to eat. I need to go back out." He walked over and ruffled Sora's hair. "I'm going to need by coat back." 

"Oh yeah." He stood up and took it off, already missing it even though the fire would keep him plenty warm. 

"You okay here?"

He nodded and grinned, trying to relieve some of Riku's concern. 

"Alright, I'll be back soon."

++++++++ 

Sora tilted his head back in the tub and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the hot water soothing some of the tension in his body and not on how he was so unstable Riku couldn't even leave him alone for a little while without worrying. He held up his hands and watched them tremble the way they always did these days. He rolled his right wrist, wincing at the pain. Ienzo had checked his wrist thoroughly when he first complained about it, using both technology and magic, but there was nothing causing the pain. It was all in Sora's head. 

He dropped his hands back down and shut his eyes. What the hell was he doing? Why did he think any of this was a good idea? He forced Riku to break the rules with him and then dragged him from world to world having stupid breakdowns. He told Riku they would have fun, but how could babysitting Sora be fun for him? And once they returned Riku would be in trouble even though this whole thing was his bad idea. Somehow, Riku was always paying for _his_ mistakes. Helping him when he let the organization destroy his memories, knocking him out of the way and taking the hit from Xemnas in his place, becoming his dream eater when Sora fell for the organization's trap _again,_ charging all of himself at the demon tide when he was too weak to protect his friends, then having to come to Quadratum because couldn't stop misusing the stupid power of waking. Every screw up Sora made became Riku's problem. 

_Who would want a boyfriend like that?_

Sora blushed at the thought. Is that what they would have been if he wasn't so clueless? Boyfriends? Would Riku have kissed him for real? At their spot by the paopu tree, or next to the waterfall, or in the secret place? Would they have been happy? Would it have prevented Riku from succumbing to the darkness?

Tears leaked from his eyes and he rinsed them away with a wet hand. It was better like this, he decided. He put Riku through enough trouble as a friend. Dating would have only caused Riku more problems. 

_Especially now._

"Sora?"

He jerked and hit his head against the tub. He winced and rubbed the sore spot while answering. "I'm in the bathroom!"

Riku didn't bother responding, but Sora could hear him moving about the cabin, probably unpacking whatever food he bought. It was probably time for him to stop feeling sorry for himself. He got out of the tub and put on the pajamas he brought with him, examining himself in the mirror. He looked awful. He smiled, trying to show a face that wouldn't cause Riku anymore concern. It was a pretty poor attempt, but it would have to do.

He came out the bathroom and found Riku on the floor in front of the couch, a variety of dishes spread out in front of him. 

"Hey," Riku greeted when Sora joined him on the floor. "I thought here would be better."

Sora nodded. There was a small table in between the couch and the kitchen, but it was cozier sitting on the floor by the fire. He grabbed the closest thing to him and began eating. 

They ate in silence. One thing Sora appreciated about Riku was he never forced conversation. Sora knew it was his job to talk, to conquer any awkward silence. When he couldn't others usually tried to do it for him, and it made everything he was lacking even more apparent. Riku never tried to do that. 

"I'm sorry," Sora whispered after a long, long while. 

Riku looked at him in confusion. "Huh? For what?"

 _Everything._ "For forcing you into this. You have better things to do than deal with me."

"No I don't." Riku scooted closer, pressing them together from shoulder to thigh. "What's better than hanging out with you?"

He groaned and dropped his food, pulling his knees up and pressing his face into them. "We're not hanging out, you're babysitting me. This whole idea was so stupid. I told you it would be fun and all I've done is mess up every visit. You should have left me in Quadratum." The last part came out in a whisper, but it was the most honest thing Sora had said in a long time. 

"Sora." Riku removed Sora's hand from his knee and held it in his own. "Sora look at me."

He slowly lifted his head. His chest constricted at the serious way Riku was looking at him, green eyes shining from the fire. 

"Don't say that ever again. You are the most important person in the world to me. All I wanted that whole year was to find you and bring you home."

Sora looked down at their hands, Riku's thumb rubbing against his wrist. 

_Maybe..._

He shook his head and wiped at his eyes. "It was a waste. All I do is cause problems for everybody. For you."

Sora shivered when Riku's other hand cupped the back of his neck. "You haven't caused me any problems. Being there for you is never a problem for me. Or anyone else. Mickey isn't mad at you Sora he's worried, we all are. Everyone worked hard to try and find you, because they love you."

_Do you love me?_

"I'm pathetic," he admitted instead. "What good am I now? I can't fight, I can't help anyone, I can't even do something fun with you without freaking out. I'm useless."

Riku gripped his hand tighter and ran his other hand up and down Sora's back. "You are _not_ useless. You just need time to heal. You've been through a lot."

Sora laughed bitterly. "I've barely been through anything. Aqua was in the realm of darkness for _ten_ years. Everyone was at the same battle as me, and they're all fine. I'm just weak."

"Hey." The hand rubbing his back stopped at his shoulder and squeezed. Riku didn't say anything else until Sora looked over at him again. 

"You weren't there," he said, voice low and serious. "No one was fine after everything that happened. Not a single one of us. Most of us still aren't fine, least of all Aqua."

"They were?"

Riku nodded. "The only reason we seem fine is because we've had more time to process everything. You need to let yourself have that, Sora. Take the time to get better."

Tears returned to Sora's eyes and he blinked them away. "There's never any time," he said quietly. "Something always goes wrong. Something bad always happens."

Riku wrapped an arm around him. "Nothing bad is happening right now. Everyone is okay."

"I'm scared," Sora admitted, leaning against Riku's chest at the same time Riku pulled him in. 

"I know you are," Riku answered, both arms around him now, hand in his hair. "I know you're scared. I wish you weren't but it's okay to be afraid. We just don't want you to be afraid alone. Everyone is here for you, I'm here for you. I'll always keep you safe."

Sora pressed his face to Riku's chest, letting the words flow through him. He heard what Riku said, but he could feel their meaning in the way Riku held him, in the heartbeat Sora could feel under his cheek.

_I love you._

He wrapped his arms tighter, pulling Riku closer.

_I love you too._

_++++++++_

They sat in front of the fire well into the night, long after Sora's tears dried up, Riku never once loosening his hold. Sora could have stayed in that moment forever, but he knew it must be uncomfortable for Riku so he finally let go and pulled away. Riku let him but kept one hand on the back of his neck, fingers running over his hairline.

"Feel any better?"

Sora hesitated, then decided to tell the truth. "I don't know." Riku nodded, accepting the answer easily. 

"Hey Riku?" He said after a few more moments of silence. 

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember that time we snuck out to the play island in the middle of the night. The roaming fingers on his neck paused, continuing again when Riku laughed.

"Yeah. We got in so much trouble. I've never been grounded longer."

"Me neither," Sora agreed with a chuckle. He didn't say anything else, trying to gather the courage to continue. 

"I remembered something from that night."

The hand on his neck stopped moving and pulled away. He glanced over at Riku, but his face gave nothing away. 

"Something besides you setting our blanket on fire when making a smore?"

"I was awake," Sora said softly, ignoring the joke. 

They weren't touching anymore, but Sora could still feel the way Riku tensed. 

"Awake for what?" His voice was higher than usual. Sora's own came out even lower.

"When you kissed me."

There was a sharp intake of breath. Sora kept his eyes on the fire, the air between them so strained he didn't know if it could handle eye contact. When Riku didn't respond he finally mustered the will to look over. 

"No," he said immediately, leaning forward and grabbing Riku's hand. "Don't do that." Sora could see the walls going up, more and more emotion being hidden away. "I'm not mad! I'm trying to..." He bit his lip. Riku wasn't pulling his hand away, but he also wasn't looking at Sora.

"Why did you kiss me?"

Riku snorted, the harsh sound contrasting his soft voice. "Why do you think? Because I liked you. Why are you asking me this?"

Sora scooted closer on his knees. He squeezed Riku's warm hand between his own. "Do you think you still can? Like me, I mean." Finally, Riku looked at him, raw surprise in his expression. Sora's heart sped up. 

"I know I'm a mess right now, and all I do is cause problems for you. I don't know why you would still have feelings for me but if you did-"

"Sora." 

Riku's voice came out rough. He reached his free hand out but let it hang between them like he was afraid to move any further. Sora did it for him, pressing the hand to his cheek. Riku's fingers curled and the walls fell away, leaving only confused eyes in their wake.

"How can you not know? I couldn't stop my feelings for you even if I wanted to."

Sora smiled. A real, genuine smile, buoyed by the joy rising inside him. Riku was looking at him with wonder, fingers brushing against his cheek. Sora couldn't wait anymore. He already waited 16 years.

He leaned over the rest of the way and pressed their lips together. Riku's lips were warm against his and that warmth spread everywhere. Across his cheeks, down his neck, settling in his chest. Finally, Riku caught up and kissed him back, hand moving from his face to cup the back of his head and bring them even closer, lips sliding together perfectly. Sora tried to keep the kiss going but he couldn't stop smiling, his body brimming with unrestrained happiness.

_Love._

He pulled back. "I love you."

A blush formed on Riku's cheeks, spreading to his neck and the tips of his ears. 

"I love you too."

Sora smiled and kissed him again. "Stop looking at me like that," he said when he pulled away.

"Like what?"

He ran his thumb along Riku's bottom lip, because he could.

"Like you can't believe this is happening."

"I _can't_ believe this is happening."

Sora's stomach flipped at the naked sincerity in his voice. He kissed him again. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered when he pulled back, foreheads together and lips a breath apart.

"For what?" Riku whispered back.

"Taking so long."

They kissed again.

"It's okay," Riku said gently. "Take as long as you need."

Their lips met and Sora shivered, no idea how he would ever get used to this. He didn't want it to end, but his knees were starting to hurt. 

He pulled back and stood up, bending his knees to remove the soreness. Riku followed him but was only standing for a second before Sora pushed him down onto the couch and straddled his lap, Riku's hands automatically holding his waist.

"Hi," he said, giggling.

Riku smiled and kissed him again. "Hi."

Sora shuddered with the way those green eyes looked at him, the depth of love shining from them feeling like an abyss he could fall into. 

"I think I'm ready to go home."

Riku brushed his bangs off his forehead. "Okay. We can leave tomorrow."

"But," he continued, letting playfulness color his tone, "you're not going on any missions after we get back."

"No?" Riku asked after they kissed again, raising an eyebrow. 

Sora shook his head and pecked his lips. "No. I'm keeping you all to myself. You can't go anywhere."

Riku chuckled and pulled him down for another, deeper kiss, tongues touching hesitantly. "I can do that." 

"And-" 

"Demanding, aren't you?"

Sora ignored the comment. "I want you to kiss me like that again. All night."

Love and desire illuminated Riku's face. He pressed his thumb to Sora's mouth and leaned forward.

"Anything you need."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Comments make me happy. 😃 
> 
> Follow my soriku twitter here: https://twitter.com/maredwill15


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